Episode 37: Ask a Coach - When Should I Push Myself and When Should I Rest?

The first in my new series, Ask a Coach, today’s episode answers the question: How do I know when to push myself to be more active and when to rest? If you’ve ever struggled with listening to your body (and actually understand what it’s saying), this episode is for you. We cover 4 tips to help you decide the best activity to meet your needs in any scenario. 

Episode Transcript:

INTRO MUSIC: Welcome to The Compassionate Wellness Podcast. I'm Alex Treanor. I'm a Nationally Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and I am so excited you're here. The wellness industry is full of do's and do not's, should's and should not's. But I like to take a different approach. I'll be sharing all things health and wellness from a joyful, real-life compassionate perspective. If you're ready to drop the cookie-cutter approach and create a life you truly love, while eating a cookie or two along the way, let's dive in.

Hey, friends! Welcome to this week's episode of The Compassionate Wellness Podcast. So glad to be spending this time with you today. Thanks for joining me. This week, the episode that I have planned is a little bit different. I'm trying something new. So feel free to tell me what you think. A few weeks ago, probably just a week, maybe two, on Instagram stories, I put out the question of what questions are on your mind? What you would ask a health and wellness coach if given the opportunity, maybe some things that you're struggling with or thinking about. And in today's episode, I'm going to dive into one of the responses that came up.

So here is one of the responses that was sent to me that we'll dive into today, it says: "I want to be more active, but when the time comes, I just feel so tired and I don't want to do it. I find myself conflicted between knowing when to push myself versus when it's okay to rest. How do I know the difference?"

And I love, I love this question! Such a great question! And I want to start just by validating this is a very real thing. I feel like this comes up all the time. What a human experience to feel tired and to not want to be active or to work out when the time comes to do. I think that is a universal human experience.

I also hear in this question a lot of a desire for self-compassion, and really honoring what your body needs. With that there's also this common concern that I hear that when trying to be more self-compassionate, or listen to your body, how do you do so without giving up your goals or being easy on yourself? Where is that balance between those two things? I think this is probably the main hesitation that I hear when coaching around self-compassion, what does it actually look like in practice? We're so used to being hard on ourselves and trying to force these healthful behaviors, that we become worried that if we're not hard on ourselves, if we're not constantly pushing, then we'll be soft. We won't hold ourselves accountable. And consequently, we won't continue reaching for the goals and everything will just fall apart. We will just sit on the couch all day. Maybe that's kind of the dramatic extreme right. But that's the the feeling with it is that if we're not constantly pushing, will we push it all?

So let's dive in with this question. And maybe we start with that self-compassion component. I want to clarify something about self-compassion. It's not dismissing accountability. And it's not babying yourself. It's not giving yourself an out all the time. I think that's sometimes the vibe that comes with self-compassion; that it's really cushy, and like just sit on the couch, give yourself a face mask, just relax all the time. And that's can be helpful in some circumstances. But sometimes the self-compassionate thing is pushing ourselves.

Self-compassion at its core is really caring for yourself. It is being kind, even in a hard thing, right? Even if you do have to push yourself or you do have to hold...when, not if, when you have to push yourself when you have to hold yourself accountable doing it in a way that is kind is the focus of self-compassion. Just like when you have to have a hard conversation with someone, you can have that hard conversation and hold someone accountable and do it in a way that is still kind. That's what we're talking about just with ourselves.

Self-compassion is also about staying present. It's not spiraling into the challenge and making it mean something about you as a person. It's finding this place where we're not over identifying with our challenges and making them mean something about ourselves, our worthiness, who we are as a person. It's keeping that distance and being able to stay present. It's also recognizing that we all experienced these challenges, just like we talked about with his example. I feel like we have all felt that way. And so we are not alone. You're certainly not alone in this and it's okay for things to be hard. Keeping all of this in mind then we can have that self compassion and still hold ourselves accountable.

The second thing that I would add about this scenario, is that you know what you need best. It might be hazy, it might be hard to figure out, it might feel like you have to kind of uncover it a bit, but you do know and you know best, even if it's hard to determine. I can't tell you when to work out and when to rest. I could pretend that I have that capability. I could pretend like I have some magic formula where you just plug in your thoughts or your scenario for the day, and it'll pop out a solution for you, but that also doesn't serve you right? The whole point with coaching is to give you the tools to be able to figure these things out on your own and to make those decisions and uncover it, ask the questions that help you to see the solution more clearly for yourself. So that 10 years from now, you don't still need a coach. You know how to figure out, "when do I push and when do I need to rest?"

So in that spirit, I do want to give you four ideas or things that you can ponder on, maybe some tools that can help you to find your answer in that moment, when you're like, Oh, I'm just really tired. I do feel like I need some rest. But I do really want to do this workout, what do I do? So these are four things that I would consider and some things that in a coaching session we could dive into. But I want to give you the tools to do it on your own.

Okay, so the first thing I would say, is that resistance, your feeling is totally normal. I would guess every single person who has purposely moved their body has had a day when they didn't feel like doing it. And sometimes they do it anyways. And sometimes they rest. But I think the important thing that I would say first is to make sure that you aren't judging yourself for feeling the resistance. I get this sense, just from the question, you said that some days you just don't want to do it. There's the sense that maybe you feel like you should always want to work out or that it should come naturally to you. And I would ask, is that true? Do you think that's actually the case? Sometimes we think these things, but when we look at the thoughts, we realize, like, maybe not. So recognizing that the resistance you feel is totally normal, and it's a neutral thing. The fact that you feel tired, or the fact that you don't feel like it, those are just neutral statements. And that's totally fine, you can feel tired, you can feel like not working out. It doesn't mean anything, unless we assign meaning to it. Unless we interpret that to mean something which could impact how we make the decision.

Which leads to the second encouragement that I have, which would be to pay attention to your thoughts. What we know is that the thoughts we have impact how we feel. And the way that we feel then impacts how we act. And our actions ultimately impact the results that we get. A lot of times we focus on the feeling, I feel tired. I don't feel like doing this. But we don't often trace that back to look at what are the thoughts that you're having? What are you interpreting those thoughts to mean? Because that is going to impact the way you feel and ultimately act.

So let's play through like two different scenarios here. The first one, let's say you know, the time is coming to workout. And so you think to yourself, "Oh, I'm so tired today, I just really do not want to do this, I won't even be able to give it 100% And I'm just going to be dragging through it the whole time. It's going to feel miserable. It's not even worth it. If I can't give it my all. Maybe I should just rest today." And so if those are the thoughts that you're having, how might you be feeling? For me, I feel defeated before I've even started. I'm like, "Oh, this is not worth it" Then if that's how I'm thinking about it, that's gonna be, it's gonna feel like a sucky experience probably the whole time. And with that feeling, I'm more likely to pass on the workout, I'm more likely to skip it because if it's not feeling worth it, why am I doing it?

The second scenario, so now we're going to reframe some of those thoughts. So the time to workout is coming up, and you think "I am so tired today. I just don't want to do this. I know that doing something is always better than nothing, though. And I do typically feel a little bit more energy after working out. Plus, I know that I'm going to feel really proud of myself for getting it done. And for caring for myself and carving out some time for me to have this moment to workout."

Those thoughts started out the same right? They're both tired, both just not feeling like it, but where we're choosing to focus shifted the set gets scenario feels a lot more energizing, it feels a lot more hopeful. And with those thoughts in my head and feeling more energized and hopeful, I'm much more likely to actually do the workout.

I do also want to point out with these scenarios, though, that even in that second one, when you are feeling more energized and hopeful, you still may feel like "but my body is so sore, or I just really need a nap today". You can still choose not to work out. But the point is to look at the thoughts, see how they're impacting your feelings and to recognize if there is a more helpful thought that you can focus on that may help you feel differently, and be in a little bit clearer of a mind space to be able to make this decision, we're trying to make it less hazy. So looking at the thoughts can help you to clear some of those cobwebs away to be able to see the whole picture, those days that you're just not feeling it really tried to get curious about the thoughts that you're grabbing ahold of and what you're focusing in on.

Okay, that leads to my third recommendation to be able to figure this out, which would be to create a mindful moment for yourself. This is where you can ask yourself what is truly best for me in this moment. So often, this all happens, this whole like 'thoughts, feelings, actions' trying to figure it out happens in like, a, I would say like a few seconds, probably even shorter, actually. But it almost happens unconsciously, like we don't even know we're doing it, we just know we don't feel like working out. And then we're making a decision and feeling stuck. So we do have to be very purposeful about this. So my third recommendation would be to create a mindful moment for yourself, just having one moment to be present, to really zoom out. You've looked at your thoughts. And now we're going to zoom out and say, what is the whole picture here? Have you skipped every other workout this week? Then maybe it's okay to push yourself today, maybe it is important to get that in. Are you running on three hours of sleep? Maybe you do genuinely need some rest, then right? The situations, the things that are happening in our life, the whole picture, the whole scenario, is important to be able to make this decision. So in the mindful moment, the idea is to zoom out.

The last step that I would recommend is to stay flexible, and if necessary, come up with a compromise. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Sometimes you might have an option planned for the workout you are wanting to do. And when you're thinking about that workout, that is what's making you feel so tired or feel so unenthused, about doing whatever that activity you have planned is. And so what we do often is say like, 'oh, I don't want to do that. So my options are do that or do nothing'. And those are two options. But there's an infinite number of other options in between there. You could go for a walk instead. You could change up the activity. You could do it for a shorter amount of time or a less intense level of activity. You could call a friend and say come walk around Target with me. That is still movement, maybe not getting your heart rate up as much as what you planned, but something is always better than nothing. You could do yoga. You could do some stretching, something that feels more doable on the days when you're tired and maybe need a little bit more rest. There are endless possibilities. Stay flexible. Listen to what you're telling yourself. If your thoughts are that you are so tired and you can't bring yourself to do whatever the workout is that you have planned. What can you do instead? What can you pivot to? How can you still prioritize caring for yourself and being active, which is a goal of yours, in a way that feels doable and realistic and maybe even a little bit more excited to do and continue building that confidence that you are an active person?

Every time you do a workout, you're building that confidence and reconfirming that identity of you being an active person, which makes it easier to do it. Every choice that you make is building the identity that you're hoping to become.

Okay, so that was a lot. To recap, the four things that I would recommend in this process would be:

1. Make sure that you are not judging yourself for the resistance recognizing that the circumstance you are experiencing is completely neutral. You don't need to judge yourself for it.

2. The second thing is to pay attention to your thoughts. Zoom in and figure out what thoughts you're choosing to focus on and how that can be impacting your feelings and if there's a way to maybe replace some of those or focus on more helpful thoughts instead.

3. The third thing is to zoom out by creating a mindful moment. Looking at the big picture to see what other factors might be at play, when considering your decision and how you want to proceed.

4. And then number four, stay flexible, consider all your different options and see what's going to fit best for you.

Hopefully, that helps give you a little bit of a formula (that's not as cut and dry, there's room for life to happen and for different scenarios), but it's something that you can walk through to help you make the decision, because as I mentioned, you definitely know best.

The other thing I would say, just as we're wrapping up is to keep in mind that there's not a right answer here, you cannot mess this up, you are completely in charge. So if you catch yourself feeling unhappy with the choice that you made, if you're feeling like you made the in air quotes, "wrong" choice, that's just a learning experience. You can break that down to see what you would have wanted to do differently. What would have fit better for you in this scenario? And then you can do that next time. The beauty of it is that now you know, now you can do it different. And we only get better at knowing what is best for us by practicing. Practice is how we learned this process. So you will have a day when you say, "Oh, I rested and I probably should have worked out I probably could have done it". That's okay, next time, now we know. And those days when you do push yourself and then maybe it's too far, and you're like "I should have rested". Okay, what made that scenario important, and how can we do it better for next time.

That is what I have for you today. Please let me know if this different format was helpful if this is something that you like hearing, if it helps to kind of walk through scenarios and do a little bit of coaching-ish on the podcast. Happy to do that if it feels helpful. And if you have a scenario you want to walk through together, feel free to send it to me or even, we could have you come on the podcast and we can talk through it together, maybe do some coaching.

If you would be so kind I would really appreciate any ratings or reviews that you could leave for me it really helps to get this podcast out into more ears and to have more people feel the joy that comes with compassionate wellness and doing health and wellness in a way that works for us. So that would be wonderful. I hope you have a great week and I will talk to you next week.

OUTRO MUSIC: Thanks for joining me on this episode of the compassionate wellness podcast. If this message resonated with you, please share it with someone you care about. I'd love to connect with you as well follow me on Instagram @alextreanor.coaching, or visit my website alextreanorcoaching.com. And as a reminder, Treanor spelled kind of goofy, it's T-R-E-A-N-O-R. For any references mentioned in this episode, be sure to check out the show notes. I hope you have a wonderful day and don't forget to make time for something you enjoy.