Episode 23: Emotional Eating - Being Self-Compassionate

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Self-compassion includes being kind to ourselves, recognizing we aren’t alone, and staying mindful in our challenges. This episode discusses how a compassionate approach to nutrition can decrease emotional eating. We also review 4 practical techniques you can do today to increasing your self-compassion.

Part 3 of a 5-Part Series on Emotional Eating.

Episode Transcript:

What we really see is that self-compassion is very protective when it comes to emotional eating.

INTRO MUSIC: Welcome to The Compassionate Wellness Podcast. I'm Alex Treanor. I'm a Nationally Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and I am so excited you're here. The wellness industry is full of do's and do not's, should's and should not's. But I like to take a different approach. I'll be sharing all things health and wellness from a joyful, real-life compassionate perspective. If you're ready to drop the cookie-cutter approach and create a life you truly love, while eating a cookie or two along the way, let's dive in.

Hey, friends! Welcome to part three of our emotional eating series. Halfway, can you believe it?! It's going quick. So far in our emotional eating series, we have talked about managing our stress level and our emotions. Today we are going to be diving into self-compassion.

Remember, back in part one of this series, we talked about how emotional eating can be hard because it's such a complex behavior, we're really going to start to see that in these last three episodes, because so many of these factors that we're talking about are interconnected, and the research between them overlaps quite a bit. So we're talking about self compassion today, but just don't be surprised if there's maybe some spoilers of what's to come in the remaining two episodes as well.

If you are not familiar with self compassion, it is not a floofy topic. It is so well researched and there are so many articles talking about the importance of self-compassion. I did a deep dive into self compassion back in episode three of this podcast. If you want more information, you can start there, but I will give you a brief summary of what self-compassion is, so that we are on the same playing field and know what we're talking about here.

When we are talking about self-compassion, we cannot talk about it without talking about Kristin Neff. She is the queen of self-compassion research, she is the go to, whatever you want to call it. She's the expert on self-compassion.

Through her research, she has identified three different components that are essential to self-compassion.

The first component is self-kindness, which is exactly what it sounds like. It's being kind with how we talk to ourselves how we treat ourselves, focusing on kindness rather than judgment.

The second component is something she calls common humanity, which is basically recognizing that we are not alone in having a hard time. That life consists of challenges and struggles and suffering, and that is a normal part of the human experience. So when we are in a struggle or feeling something is so challenging, we aren't alone. We're not the first person to experience that and we won't be the last.

The third component of self-compassion is mindfulness, which is being able to separate ourselves from the challenges that we face and not over identify with them. It's being able to maintain perspective and see our struggles without judgment, and being able to have a barrier between us and the hard thing, that we're not associated. Just because we're in a hard thing, that that means we're bad or that life is bad, or, you know, over identifying with it.

So how do these three things, being self-compassionate, how does that relate to emotional eating?

There's a lot of interesting research about these two things. What the research indicates is that there may not be a direct effect, meaning that this isn't something where we can say, "Oh, if you increase your self-compassion, you will automatically reduce your emotional eating". They're not directly connected in that way. The lack of self-compassion does not cause emotional eating. There's other things that factor in; that's where the complexity comes in.

One of the big things that is part of this relationship is something called internalized weight stigma, which is a fancy research term for when we punish ourselves, or we treat ourselves differently, because of how we interpret our body size or our body shape.

Our society, our culture, has a clear weight bias. There's this idea out there (and I want to be clear, I'm stating what a general idea is, this is not true, but this is how society thinks about things) that if you are in a bigger body, you must be lazy or you lack control of yourself, you lack self discipline, maybe any health conditions that you have are your fault, you're generally less-deserving of good things. That's the idea of how our society thinks, which is completely flawed.

When we feel we identify with that, if we feel we are in a bigger body, there's a tendency, of course, very common right, to internalize those messages. To say, "oh, if society is saying that people with a bigger body lacks self discipline, and I think I'm in a bigger body, I must lack self discipline". That's a natural progression of the societal messages that we receive. That is an internalized weight bias. We start to think that way. The stigma, internalized weight stigma, comes in when we start acting on that, when we treat ourselves that way.

So for example, this could look like criticizing yourself, actively criticizing yourself about your weight or your size, the way that you talk about yourself. This could also look like not wanting your body to be seen. Whether that's in pictures, or maybe at the pool or the beach, wanting to feel covered up all the time and treating yourself like you deserve to be covered up.

This also is really impactful to our eating habits. Internalized weight stigma is very significantly associated with yo-yo dieting, with fad diets, with these extreme nutritional solutions, that all or nothing mentality, right? "If I am lazy and self disciplined, I need to do everything I can to swing to the other side of that pendulum to be able to rein this in so that I can have control and I can have discipline". So it pulls into these harmful eating behaviors.

When we're looking at the research between self-compassion, and internalized weight stigma, and emotional eating, those three are all very connected.

Some of the research indicates that if we are more self-compassionate, then our internalized weight stigma decreases. And because that decreases, we have less emotional eating. Some of the research indicates that that is a flipped. It says that if we decrease the stigma first, that helps us be more self-compassionate, which helps us to decrease emotional eating. Regardless of which direction that happens, they're very connected. (possibly, this is something we may be diving into in a future episode, maybe in a week or two 😉). But for now, the main takeaway that we can see from this relationship is that the way that we think and the way that we act towards ourselves really matters that impacts our eating habits, especially emotional eating.

One of the studies that shows this relationship was done during COVID. And what they did is provide 14 days of self-compassion exercises through an app on your phone. There were journaling exercises, there were meditations. But every day, the participants in the study did some form of a self-compassion practice. At the end of each day, they were given surveys on their self-compassion level, their eating behavior, their mood, how mindful they felt. They were reporting back every day.

Some of these different exercises that they did, they did a few different meditations, and they did some journal entry. So I'll give you an idea of what those entries were in case you're interested in trying any of these. The participants would write a letter to themselves from the perspective of a friend that they really care about, or that really cares about them, talking about a perceived weakness when it comes to their eating behavior. They also wrote a letter reflecting on how they would treat a friend who was experiencing a similar situation. They explored self-criticisms around their eating habits and they also worked on finding alternative less critical ways to motivate themselves into changing their behaviors.

So at the end of these 14 days, they went through all the different surveys and compared the before and after data and what the researchers found is that the participants who did the self-compassion exercises, were kinder to themselves, especially regarding negative emotions, they felt more understanding and more compassionate towards themselves.

They also perceived less stress, and they had less emotional eating. So I know we talked about stress in a previous episode. So if we can decrease stress through self-compassion, that also may be a way to help with our emotional eating.

So what we really see is that self-compassion is very protective when it comes to emotional eating. If we have self-compassion skills, it can help protect us from emotional eating.

So how do we build self compassion around our food behaviors? Going back to our queen of self-compassion Kristin Neff, she has a general formula that she uses called a self-compassion break. What she does is she addresses each of those three components in a brief statement. So it's three brief statements that you can say to yourself in a moment when you need self-compassion.

To pull in the mindfulness element, she reminds us that suffering is just a moment. It's not all the time. We also remember that suffering is something we all go through, it's part of life. And then we end by bringing in some kindness to ourselves.

So the phrases that she uses, and you can customize this to whatever situation you're going through, she says:

This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life, May I be kind to myself.

Simple. Simple statement that you can give to yourself.

You can also focus on bringing those three elements in in ways that are unique to you. So focusing on kindness, one way to do that might be building your awareness around your self-talk and challenging that inner critic. We tend to have this food voice based off of the different diet experiences that we've had, or the societal message that we have internalized, that tell us what we should or shouldn't be doing in regards to our food. Being able to recognize that and to challenge it is really important for building that self-kindness when it comes to our eating behaviors. When looking at your self-talk, even just a brief statement can be impactful. There's another study that I will also link in the notes in the show notes here that showed that a quick, compassionate reminder can have a significant impact on our eating behavior. Just a brief reminder is all it takes one statement to yourself in terms of salt, self talk.

You can also focus on building common humanity. So remembering that emotional eating is so common, and you are not the only one who is experiencing this. Maybe this is where we bring in that letter to a friend, considering what would you tell a friend and a similar experience? How would you reframe it? What perspective would you bring if you were telling this to somebody else that you really care about? The guilt that we feel, the shame that we feel, those things aren't helpful, and we have all been in this experience. So remembering that you are not alone, and that this is a hard thing, and it's a complex behavior is important for building that common humanity.

And the last piece is building that mindfulness, the non-judgmental awareness, which you can see ties in with that self-talk, right? Challenging the critic, bringing in non-judgment, being present. The emotional regulation skills that we talked about in part two can also be really helpful for bringing that mindfulness in for learning how to pause and how to understand the emotion, practicing that compassionate curiosity and giving yourself space to explore the emotions that you feel in a safe space.

So to summarize some of the different things we can do to build self-compassion when it comes to eating behaviors:

• We can take a self-compassion break

• We can build awareness around our self talk

• We can change our perspective and think about how we would talk to a friend in a similar situation.

• And lastly, we can use our emotional regulation and mindfulness skills.

For your question to consider this week, think about what feels compassionate to you? When you are in that moment, when you have eaten the 10 chocolate chip cookies after an extremely hard day, what comfort do you need? What messages do you need to hear? What can you tell yourself that will help you to feel more understanding and be able to open up that perspective to see what is actually happening? Self criticism just shuts down growth. It doesn't allow us the opportunity to explore and to learn and to grow. Being open, being kind, being compassionate is how we make a difference in how we change behaviors for the future.

That is what I have for you today. This episode is foundational for the next two parts of this series, so we'll dive into it a little bit more, but I hope that you have a wonderful week this week, and I will talk to you next week.

OUTRO MUSIC: Thanks for joining me on this episode of the compassionate wellness podcast. If this message resonated with you, please share it with someone you care about. I'd love to connect with you as well follow me on Instagram @alextreanor.coaching, or visit my website alextreanorcoaching.com. And as a reminder, Treanor spelled kind of goofy, it's T-R-E-A-N-O-R. For any references mentioned in this episode, be sure to check out the show notes. I hope you have a wonderful day and don't forget to make time for something you enjoy.

References:

• Adams, C. E., & Leary, M. R. (2007). Promoting self–compassionate attitudes toward eating among restrictive and guilty eaters. Journal of social and clinical psychology, 26(10), 1120-1144. Braun, T.D., Gorin, A.A., Puhl, R.M., Stone, A., Quinn, D.M., Ferrand, J., Abrantes, A.M., Unick, J., Tishler, D., & Papasavas, P. (2021). Shame and self-compassion as risk and protective mechanisms of the individualized weight bias and emotional eating link in individuals seeking bariatric surgery. Obesity Surgery, 31(7), 3177-3187.

• Fekete, E.M., Herndier, R.E., & Sander, A.C. (2021). Self-compassion, internalized weight stigma, psychological well-being, and eating behaviors in women. Mindfulness, 12(5), 1262-1271.

• Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101.

• Schnepper, R., Reichenberger, J., & Blechert, J. (2020). Being my own companion in times of social-isolation – a 14-day mobile self-compassion intervention improves stress levels and eating behavior. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 595806.

• https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/internalized-weight-stigma#causes